Writing a blog is stepping completely out of my comfort zone and I have been procrastinating about this for over 12 months! So in true authentic style I am going to walk my talk, take a deep breath and go for it!
What makes us not want to put ourselves out there and share our wisdom, experiences and love? I know for me its the deep fear of criticism and ridicule and not being good enough. So for my very first ever Blog I want to be out there, honest, authentic and to come from my heart so that if you feel the same you will see that there is nothing to fear. (I say with my heart pumping - lol)
I know that my fear comes from childhood, along with the labels that were given to me and I am also conscious how I repeated those labels in my mind for many years which created a distorted belief about who I was. But after my emotional breakdown in 2001 and going to see a mental health councillor who "kindly" opened up all the lids to my emotional boxes, my life began to change. It wasn't so much the councilling that made the change, but the fact that I had so much emotional crap to work through as she had no mechanism in place to help me empty the boxes and shut the lids. This was the beginning of my journey to REAL self discovery. You see this was an extremely difficult period for me, I had no self esteem, self worth, I had left my marriage which I found traumatic having a 7 year old daughter to take care of, the guilt and emotional rollercoaster of this time was emense, infact I would say that riding the Pepsi Max in Blackpool would have been like a stroll in the park. I now know that my breakdown was the Universe telling me to STOP, without this I wouldn't be who I am today.
My story of 50 years is as colourful and bumpy as everyone elses on the planet and it is personal and unique to me as yours is to you. The past 12 years has been about me finding myself, as I like to put it "using the Universal Stepping Stones" for self discovery such as Reiki, NLP, Meditation, Hypnosis; I have attended many courses, read numerous books, listened to interesting webcasts and have enjoyed making some fabulous life long new friends along the way. I thoroughly enjoyed the teachings of Julie Umpleby and use the diamond almost daily in meditation BUT all of these are simply the tools that helped my spiritual awareness, they have all been like keys unlocking the "prison doors" that I had built around me. As each one unlocked I could connect back and be in alignment with my soul.
I now realise that all the things that I chose to experience from birth were part of my journey; I believe that I could have taken easier paths but my mind chose to take the scenic route with bumpy holes in the roads and thats fine, because I believe that I am where I am meant to be right now. Life is a journey and it is how we perceive the journey to be, as to whether we enjoy it or not. I can say 100% that I LOVE my life, I LOVE that I am consciously aware, I LOVE that I am in allignment with my soul, I LOVE that I understand that everything is okay in each moment as this brings me Peace.
If you are holding back from not doing something then ask Why, what is that you are afraid of? My fear of ridicule and criticism isn't real, it is an illusion of the mind because judgement only has value to the person who is judging. It was going through the I AM process that I quickly became aware of all the good things about me, my kindness, my desire to be of service to others; it was my daughter who pointed out to me that I was as pretty as my sisters and that I wasn't the ugly fat child I had grown up believing I was. You see, so everything is perfect because if I hadn't experienced all that pain I wouldn't know that it exists and there is always an opposite to everything... hot v's cold, dark v's light, long v's short, nice v's nasty and so on......
I have been a visionary since I was a small child, I used to visualise all sorts of things and the one memory I have the most is how kind I used to be to other people and how I wanted to help poor people... 45+ years ago I had no idea that my vision would lead me on a journey to where I am today with Globalsoul.
The purpose of this blog is to show that no matter what we believe about ourself there is always something new and exciting to discover and no matter how bumpy the road is there will always be a stretch of nice smooth road ahead. SO whatever your fears, face them and know that you can do anything!
Thats it... pain over, I've written and posted this blog and will leave it to the universe to support it.
Warm smiles and gratitude